[NeoCon Newbie]

If you think Rob Reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in "All in the Family"


If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.


If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.


If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal, unless the crime is sexual harassment, or racism.


If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.


If you think only white people can be racist.


If Clarence Thomas made you sick, Bob Packwood made you protest, but Bill Clinton is a victim of partisan politics.

Added before I started keeping track of when I added new items :-)

If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".


If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.


If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.


If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".


If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.


If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate


If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.


If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" (on the internet) won't.

If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.


if you think that conservatives have no sense of humor then shudder at the idea of a Clinton joke.


If you actually do believe that Clinton doesn't know the definition of the words "alone", "is", or "correct".


If you believe that Columbus is a mean-spirit bringer of genocide, and never should have explored to the new world, which meant that no one would have religious or taxation freedom whatsoever.


If you think that the only way the tragedy in Littleton, CO could have been avoided was to restrict the access of the guns, two of which were bought on the black market.


If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.


If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.


You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.


If you believe Peter Jennings is a very educated and intelligent man.


If you can actually believe everyone around Bill Clinton is lying, but Bill Clinton himself is telling the truth.


If you point to God's forgiveness of King David in reference to Bill Clinton but "forget" to read the rest of the scripture about the ruin that he inflicted on his family, his kingdom and himself.


If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.


If you want to make the rich "pay their fair share" but leave Ted (more people have been killed in my car than in an American nuclear power plant) Kennedy and Dick Gebhardt out of the definition of the rich.


If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.


If you think Princess Diana was compassionate for hugging poor children and children with AIDS (while "forgetting" about her getting in her limo and driving away) but Mother Teresa makes you uncomfortable.


If you think that "dumbing down" America's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.


If you think that Teddy Kennedy, Jesse Jackson and the KKK don't have anything in common (at least the KKK is honest about their goals).


If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.


You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.


If you don't see the parallel between yourself, Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao.


If you believe that the "700 Club" are a group of fakes or actors but the people on "The Jerry Springer" show are real people.


If you actually refer to the Reagan and Bush Presidencies as one Presidency.


If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.


If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.

[NeoCon Newbie]

You think Rush Limbaugh is responsible for the Oklahoma City bombing but are outraged by suggestions that Ted Kaczynski (the suspected Unabomber) and Al Gore have anything in common.

You just know that everything Rush Limbaugh says is a lie but you have never listened to him.

Jesse Jackson makes sense to you. Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.

You think Herblock cartoons are funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.

You believe corporate profits are obscene but government spending is too low and the American people are undertaxed.

You see cartoons condemning religions and making fun of Christianity as funny and an expression of free speech, but think the cartoon B.C. should be banned.

You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.

You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.

You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.

You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative Posted by steve no last name was given this just shows how stupid liberals really are.

[Jane of Arc]

Oh, you're still here Newbie? I was certain you had finally put your money where your mouth is and joined other people your age. I was sure you enlisted in the military to fight for everything you believe in and to support your beloved leader, George W. Bush. Why haven't you enlisted?

[JamesP]

Oh, you're still here Newbie? I was certain you had finally put your money where your mouth is and joined other people your age. I was sure you enlisted in the military to fight for everything you believe in and to support your beloved leader, George W. Bush. Why haven't you enlisted?


Excellent post, as usual, Jane.

I, too, would like to understand why our Neo-Con Newbie has not joined the noble fight to "liberate Iraq".

Why is he posting silliness from the safety of his room instead of joining the crusade to "bring democracy to the middle-east".

Why is he content to let others "fight the evil-doers" on his behalf and that of his champion, GWB?

How can he support sending other Americans to a war that he will not fight himself? How can anyone?

I guess you know you are a neo-con newbie if you don't have the balls to fight for the flawed, naive and adolescent notions that you claim to believe in and are instead content to spend your tax cuts safely at home.

I guess you are a neo-con newbie if the only thing you are willing to sacrifice are the lives of fellow Americans you care nothing about.

I guess you are a neo-con newbie if your idea of "supporting the troops" is to commit them endlessly to an un-winnable, immoral war for oil while you stay home and drive a big, gas-guzzling SUV with a yellow ribbon it.
:rolleyes:

[Thelonious]

I have a car magnet that says "God Bless Our Troops!" Does that make me a liberal????

[NeoCon Newbie]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands flew up into the air. There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.' Because I'm not a liberal Democrat.''Then,' asks the teacher, 'What are you?''Why I'm a proud conservative Republican,' boasts the little girl.The teacher, a little perturbed and her face slightly red, asked Lucy why sheis a conservative Republican.'Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too.'The teacher, now angry, loudly says, 'That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?'She pauses, and lets out a smile. 'Then,' Lucy says, 'I'd be a liberal Democrat.'

[-V-]

'Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking."
The teacher could have pointed out to the neocon newbie student that conservative Republicans have run the most "intrusive" do-your-thinking-for-you government in the history of this country.

My Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative Republican too.'The teacher, now angry, loudly says, 'That's no reason! What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron.

despite the cheap punchline the point of the teacher's question remains. The child should not let her parents or her government do her thinking for her.

A lesson for her and yourself, newbie. (and you should not depend on others to write your jokes for you either).

[FDRfollower]

@ ~V~ Ha! :laughing:

Sorry newbie, that's a tired old lame joke, just because "liberals" and "conservates" use it too much. Just trade What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?'She pauses, and lets out a smile. 'Then,' Lucy says, 'I'd be a liberal Democrat.' just exchange "liberal democrat" with "conservative republican" and viola, you have a tired old lame joke that liberals won't laugh at because its as interesting as a used condom.