[gratelady1]

This thread is dedicated to those who have the good sense to understand that in todays political arena, you can not get the other side to listen to you if you dont talk in a manner that is acceptable by thier standards.

Let it be known that I (as a pretentious writer) have always supported the idea that the only way to keep your audience is to say what they want to hear..period.

And no I am not being lame and sarcastic- far from that- Snowmutt has finally posted something worthy of me championing- I believe as he does, that your message is lost if you offend the object of ones affection, and I promise from this day forward not to mention the idiot from Crawford in any post- outside this thread.

When you rationalize it appropriately, to mention GWB in any manner, is an insult to this country, and even trashing him could be considered a compliment, when you consider how insignificant he has become.

To this day we must accomplish what we can despite him, much as our troops have done since His moronic decision to take Iraq.

Please follow my lead and show the people of the world how senseless it is to trash Bush, and make him anti-popular, as he should be- I mean we dont spend alot of time trashing pond scum do we? Keep it here where it belongs :D

[gratelady1]

I once saw George W. Bush walk on water, no man I am serious- it was out on his Crawford Texas ranch, he went out to his stock tank, and as he was fishing, got his hook stuck on the other side, the lazy fool - instead of walking around the stocktank he decided he would do the easiest thing and wade on through- hell how deep could a stock tank/pond be? He stepped out and found himself standing on the water- I was amazed, as I saw this, he preceeded on across, unhooked his hook and crossed right on back, he looked back at what he had done and yelled out "Laura I did it, I walked on water!!"

Laura opened her eyes from a snooze she was taking and said dont be stupid popus, You cant walk on water!

No I really did- replied W.

Laura went to the water and stuck her hand in and grabbed out Bin Laden, and Al Sakarwee, and told them both "look I told you guys to stop making this fool believe he is ALAH- he already has enough trouble understanding his role as my B* I* T* C* H !!!"

[gratelady1]

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon inTexas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on marijuana and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States.

[gratelady1]

Want to see W's solution to improper affilation with interns?
W's new restroom for the Whitehouse...

http://r01.webmail.aol.com/get-attachment.aspx?uid=1.12256083&folder=Sent+Mail&partId=7&saveAs=urinals.jpg

[gratelady1]

President Bush was really sweating this, because he knew if Kerry won, he's probably make Bush go to Iraq and finish his National Guard service." --Jay Leno

[gratelady1]

"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and lying directly to people's faces." --Bill Maher

[gratelady1]

"In a shocking new book by Kitty Kelley, acquaintances of President Bush say that when he was in the National Guard that he liked to sneak out back for a joint or go in the bathroom and do cocaine. Isn't that unbelievable? They actually found people who saw Bush in the National Guard." --Jay Leno

Man! thank you Snowwinnie- I am loving this!!! WHOOP!!

[gratelady1]

How they manage the news: A guy walks in and asks the bartender, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WWIII. And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repairman!!! Why kill a bicycle repairman?"

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, dummy! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

[gratelady1]

Day in Hell: (Thanks to Kevin Kelly) A group of Texans are driving down the road, whooping it up, drinking beer and shooting off their guns when they get into an accident with busload of nuns and orphans, killing everyone. The Texans go straight to Hell. When they arrive the Devil is shocked to see that they are not in agony over the heat and he demands an explanation.


"Well, sir, we're from Texas, and we're used to the heat," says one. This infuriates the Devil and he cranks the thermostat up to its highest setting. The lost souls all over hell start wailing. "I'll check on them in the morning and see how they like THIS." He snorts and disappears in a ball of fire.


The next morning, the Devil shows up at the Texans' camp site, and sure enough they are showing some signs of discomfort. They have taken off their 10 Gallon hats and are fanning themselves. One has even rolled up his sleeves. "Well, sir," explains a Texan, "when you have been on a cattle drive in Lubbock during August, this ain't hardly nothing." The Devil is now so angry he is seeing red.


"Those damn Texans seem immune to heat, let 's see what happens when I turn OFF the heat," he says as he heads to the thermostat. "I'll check on them tomorrow."
So in the morning the Devil arrives at the Texans' campsite, and they are all whoopin' and hollerin' and drinkin' the beers from the ice chest in the back of the pick up, now that they have ice to chill them with. The wail of the lost souls is deafening but the Texans are partyin' like there is no tomorrow.


"I don't get it," the Devil says, completely defeated. "I tried to roast you and it had no effect, and then I tried to freeze you and you are partying. You Texans are made of tough stuff. But why are you celebrating?"


A Texan takes a swig from a Bud in a longneck and replies, "Look around! Hell is frozen over. That's just gotta mean there is another Bush in the White House."

[gratelady1]

Artificial intelligence: (Thanks to Eric Perlin) A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back,complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attentionto the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

[gratelady1]

Puzzling: (Thanks to Debbie in Massachusetts)

Cheney gets a call from his "boss", W.


"I've got a problem," says W.


"What's the matter?" asks Cheney.


"Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."


"What's it a picture of?" asks Cheney.


"A big rooster," replies W.


"All right," sighs Cheney, "I'll come over and have a look."


So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. W points at the jigsaw on his desk.


Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to W and says, "For crying out loud, Georgie - put the corn flakes back in the box."

[gratelady1]

Leadership: (Thanks to William Jenkins) While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.


"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen."Allow me to demonstrate."


She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"


Tony Blair responds ,"It¹s me, ma'am."


"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"


"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I¹ll definitely be using that!"


Upon returning to Washington, he decides he¹d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."


"Why, of course, sir. What¹s on your mind?"


"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"


Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"


Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.


"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"


Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."


Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"


And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"

[gratelady1]

Flies: As Governor, Bush got to ceremonially act as a state trooper for a day. While operating a speed trap Bush pulled over a Texas farmer. He lectured the farmer about his speed and the necessity of obeying laws made by his superiors, and in general threw his weight around. Finally, he got around to writing the ticket, and as he was doing so he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya, Sir?" Bush stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they are -- I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says, "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of horses." Bush says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a minute he stops and slowly says, "Hey... wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?" The farmer says, "Oh no, Governor, I have too much respect for you to even think about calling you a horse's ass." Grinning broadly, Bush says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

[gratelady1]

Baloon Ride: (Thanks to Darrias) George W. Bush takes his fancy new hot air balloon out for a ride. After soaring over the country side for an hour he realizes he is lost. After spotting a young girl on a farm below he descended and shouted, "Hey little girl, can you help me? I promised a friend an hour ago I would meet him, but I don't know where I am." The young girl replies, "You are in a hot air balloon over my daddy's corn field making a racket and scaring the chickens!" Peeved, Bush says, "Your daddy must be a Democrat." "He is," says the girl, "but how did you know that?""Well," answers Bush, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I still have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. You aren't being much help." The girl below responds, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replies Bush, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the girl, "You're way up there full of hot air looking down on the world, you don't know where you're at and you don't know where you're going. You promised something to somebody you can't deliver on, and you were in this spot before we met but somehow your predicament is all my fault."

[gratelady1]

Bssh a Bush Classic;

http://home.nyc.rr.com/jadedem/gw1.html

[gratelady1]

If I was GWB, I would be grateful that GL1 is the only person on this planet that would even consider posting jokes about him, which means everyone else thinks hes pretty cool! What are the odds of that on a progressive blog!!!

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.
"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See That guy was really stupid".

"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner...
You could have called instead?"

[gratelady1]

The Walking Eagle
President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona (land of the simple people). He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas, how he had signed "YES" 1,237 times - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval.

Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his "red brothers". At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the President with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud President then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs about how they came to select the new name given to the President. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

[gratelady1]

This joke is for all those Bush supporters who woke up this morning to find out GWB admitted to going to war with "Faulty intelligence" and thus the war was based on a lie, and over 2000 soldiers' lives were wasted, and they all had relatives and friends and they all have relatives and friends, and now they all are shocked- to find out that what all the real experts have been saying is true- and that the Bush propoganda MACHINE is working against them, and now they have to find the will and strength to carry on for the lying sack of turd!

Growing Up: (Thanks to Joseph Henry from California!)
George w. Bush is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box.
Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"
The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
George W. laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"
"Republicans," the child says.
"Oh that's cute," George W. says and he runs off.
A couple of days later George is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
George W. says to Dick, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box.
George W. says, "Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."
The boy replies, "They're Democrats."
"Whoa!", George W. says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now"

[Randy]

Bush is sitting in the oval office, in walk Condaleeza. She tells Bush, "Mr. President, I have terrible news, this morning, three Brazilian Soldiers were killed. Bush exclaimed "that's terrible" after several minutes, Bush then asked "exactly how many is a Brazilian?"

[gratelady1]

"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, this debate, the last debate and the next debate." --Bill Maher

[gratelady1]

I once pissed on a Bush, I thought I was doing it a favor, Now it has grown up to be a Mequite tree and a real pain in the ____!!