A'Jay
12/16/06, 05:25 pm
Dear righties, sometimes when the media reports that Bush screwed up it is not evidence of a huge, fantastic media conspiracy. It is because Bush screwed up.
Dear lefties, the U.N. is useless as hell. They wear powder blue helmets into battle for goodness sakes. Accept this.
Dear righties, I don't like France either but they gave us the Statue of Liberty. Stop messing with them.
Dear lefties, the election of 2000 is over. Live with it.
Dear righties, there are some problems that cannot be solved by either shooting it or giving it a tax cut.
Dear lefties, Bush and bin Laden are not moral equivalents. Bin Laden is our enemy. Bush is our opponent. There is a difference. Remember it.
Dear righties, patriotism has nothing to do with agreeing with the president. You already remember this during Democratic administrations. Try doing it the rest of the time.
Dear lefties, Bush did not mastermind a government conspiracy on 9/11. I doubt seriously that he could mastermind a game a Yahtzee. A plane did crash into the Pentagon. There were no controlled demolitions or cruise missiles or holograms or faked cell phone calls or Jimmy Hoffa shooting Elvis from the grassy knoll. Please stop telling me there are unanswered questions about that day. There are unanswered questions about every day. It is called life. Get over it.
Dear righties, Clinton did not mastermind a string of murders. According to you he couldn't even kill Osama bin Laden. If you insist on believing this tripe anyway, then just accept his getting away with it and go back to hating him for raising your taxes.
Dear lefties, when someone votes with the Democrats 90% of the time. They are not a Republican. Re-elect them.
Dear righties, the vast majority of the politicians you support do not give a rat's cold butt about your religion or its values or gay people or immoral behavior. They care about Jesus only so long as their constant demeaning prattle about him will earn them your vote. They care about immoral behavior only to the degree they can avoid being caught engaged in it and they don't care about gay people at all unless they become a majority at which point the Republicans will be trying to ban heterosexual marriage.
Dear lefties, Michael Moore is not a great shining font of truth. He is a rewarmed conspiracy loon with a camera, a martyr complex and the grooming skills of a homeless person. He deserves to be ignored or possibly given spare change.
Dear righties, Rush Limbaugh is not a deep, insightful human being. Idolizing him is like basing your whole philosophical worldview on a misprinted fortune cookie. He is the sort of belligerant, arrogant blowhard that most normal people spend entire parties trying to avoid. He was a pathetic failure at pretty much everything he did until he found he could make money by validating petty, bigoted, small-minded people by telling them what they already believed but were always afraid to say because others might suspect they were petty, bigoted, small-minded people. I have listened to Limbaugh for a long time and have yet to hear him say one thing I couldn't have predicted five minutes before he thought it up. He has not had an single original thought or idea in 15 years, the blessing being that due to the intellectual capacity of his audience he has not needed one.
Dear lefties, Al Franken is not funny. Can we all stop pretending he is?
Dear righties, Ann Coulter is not an intellectual powerhouse. She is what happens when you give a sad, lonely, bitter woman an obsessive interest in politics and unlimited access to Rupert Murdoch's media empire.
Dear lefties, terrorists blowing up innocent Israeli civilians and Israeli soldiers blowing up terrorists are not morally equivalent actions. Terrorists are operating from a serious karma deficit and it is not wrong for the IDF - or anyone else - to shoot them - hopefully repeatedly. By the way, Israel is an actual country. It has money and borders and police and a national debt and everything. It cannot be moved or erased or have all its people suddenly relocated to Uganda. They do not want to be in Uganda anymore than you - or probably for that matter the Ugandans - do. So let's dispense with this silliness and look for a real solution to the crisis.
Dear righties, just because someone has access to a radio microphone does not make them a reliable news outlet for factual information.
Dear lefties, just because someone has a blog does not make them a reliable news outlet for factual information.
Dear righties, Newsmax and Worldnet Daily are not authoritative sources for anything - ever.
Dear lefties, the answer to winning elections is not Howard Dean. If you do not instinctively understand why this is, there is no possible way I could explain it to you.
Dear righties, Iraq was stupid. Just admit it and get it over with.
Dear lefties, Republicans are not Nazis, Fox News is not state-controlled media, Bush is not Hitler, Neocons are not the S.S., Guantanamo is not a concentration camp, Tony Blair is not Mussolini and Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer are not the Allied landing at Normandy.
Dear righties, there is such a thing as a seperation of church and state. It is 200 years old. You can look it up and everything.
Dear lefties, "Bush sucks" is not an agenda and "being more liberal" is not a plan. Moving left to "mobilize the base" did not work in 1972. It did not work in 1984. It did not work in 1988. It has never worked. It will never work. It has failed for thirty years. Try something new. People want solutions to their problems, not ideology crammed down their gullet.
Dear righties, not everyone who disagrees with you is on Al-Queda's payroll or has a day job with Evil, Inc. Sometimes people can actually have different ideas about life than you do without being handmaidens of Satan.
Dear lefties, bigotry against religious people is no different than bigotry by religious people.
Dear lefties, the U.N. is useless as hell. They wear powder blue helmets into battle for goodness sakes. Accept this.
Dear righties, I don't like France either but they gave us the Statue of Liberty. Stop messing with them.
Dear lefties, the election of 2000 is over. Live with it.
Dear righties, there are some problems that cannot be solved by either shooting it or giving it a tax cut.
Dear lefties, Bush and bin Laden are not moral equivalents. Bin Laden is our enemy. Bush is our opponent. There is a difference. Remember it.
Dear righties, patriotism has nothing to do with agreeing with the president. You already remember this during Democratic administrations. Try doing it the rest of the time.
Dear lefties, Bush did not mastermind a government conspiracy on 9/11. I doubt seriously that he could mastermind a game a Yahtzee. A plane did crash into the Pentagon. There were no controlled demolitions or cruise missiles or holograms or faked cell phone calls or Jimmy Hoffa shooting Elvis from the grassy knoll. Please stop telling me there are unanswered questions about that day. There are unanswered questions about every day. It is called life. Get over it.
Dear righties, Clinton did not mastermind a string of murders. According to you he couldn't even kill Osama bin Laden. If you insist on believing this tripe anyway, then just accept his getting away with it and go back to hating him for raising your taxes.
Dear lefties, when someone votes with the Democrats 90% of the time. They are not a Republican. Re-elect them.
Dear righties, the vast majority of the politicians you support do not give a rat's cold butt about your religion or its values or gay people or immoral behavior. They care about Jesus only so long as their constant demeaning prattle about him will earn them your vote. They care about immoral behavior only to the degree they can avoid being caught engaged in it and they don't care about gay people at all unless they become a majority at which point the Republicans will be trying to ban heterosexual marriage.
Dear lefties, Michael Moore is not a great shining font of truth. He is a rewarmed conspiracy loon with a camera, a martyr complex and the grooming skills of a homeless person. He deserves to be ignored or possibly given spare change.
Dear righties, Rush Limbaugh is not a deep, insightful human being. Idolizing him is like basing your whole philosophical worldview on a misprinted fortune cookie. He is the sort of belligerant, arrogant blowhard that most normal people spend entire parties trying to avoid. He was a pathetic failure at pretty much everything he did until he found he could make money by validating petty, bigoted, small-minded people by telling them what they already believed but were always afraid to say because others might suspect they were petty, bigoted, small-minded people. I have listened to Limbaugh for a long time and have yet to hear him say one thing I couldn't have predicted five minutes before he thought it up. He has not had an single original thought or idea in 15 years, the blessing being that due to the intellectual capacity of his audience he has not needed one.
Dear lefties, Al Franken is not funny. Can we all stop pretending he is?
Dear righties, Ann Coulter is not an intellectual powerhouse. She is what happens when you give a sad, lonely, bitter woman an obsessive interest in politics and unlimited access to Rupert Murdoch's media empire.
Dear lefties, terrorists blowing up innocent Israeli civilians and Israeli soldiers blowing up terrorists are not morally equivalent actions. Terrorists are operating from a serious karma deficit and it is not wrong for the IDF - or anyone else - to shoot them - hopefully repeatedly. By the way, Israel is an actual country. It has money and borders and police and a national debt and everything. It cannot be moved or erased or have all its people suddenly relocated to Uganda. They do not want to be in Uganda anymore than you - or probably for that matter the Ugandans - do. So let's dispense with this silliness and look for a real solution to the crisis.
Dear righties, just because someone has access to a radio microphone does not make them a reliable news outlet for factual information.
Dear lefties, just because someone has a blog does not make them a reliable news outlet for factual information.
Dear righties, Newsmax and Worldnet Daily are not authoritative sources for anything - ever.
Dear lefties, the answer to winning elections is not Howard Dean. If you do not instinctively understand why this is, there is no possible way I could explain it to you.
Dear righties, Iraq was stupid. Just admit it and get it over with.
Dear lefties, Republicans are not Nazis, Fox News is not state-controlled media, Bush is not Hitler, Neocons are not the S.S., Guantanamo is not a concentration camp, Tony Blair is not Mussolini and Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer are not the Allied landing at Normandy.
Dear righties, there is such a thing as a seperation of church and state. It is 200 years old. You can look it up and everything.
Dear lefties, "Bush sucks" is not an agenda and "being more liberal" is not a plan. Moving left to "mobilize the base" did not work in 1972. It did not work in 1984. It did not work in 1988. It has never worked. It will never work. It has failed for thirty years. Try something new. People want solutions to their problems, not ideology crammed down their gullet.
Dear righties, not everyone who disagrees with you is on Al-Queda's payroll or has a day job with Evil, Inc. Sometimes people can actually have different ideas about life than you do without being handmaidens of Satan.
Dear lefties, bigotry against religious people is no different than bigotry by religious people.